To Share or Not to Share?: The Social Media Jinx

I had a rebellious adolescence and youth in terms of fighting societal norms. It wasn't like I was staging protests, like the Ziddi Girls on Prime, but there were many beliefs that I did not agree with and I either wrote poems about them and got them published in newspapers or did my thing violating them, with my own right mind.

One of them was fighting superstitions, particularly nonsensical ones, like the one associated with black cats. There is a common belief in India, that if a black cat crosses your path, you should retrace your steps and wait until someone else walks over it and not walk over it yourself if you want to avoid extreme misfortune.

However, apparently black cats are considered lucky in Khasi tradition and hence there were several well cared for black cats that roamed around where we lived in Shillong. One of them used to live in Upland Road and regularly cross my path while going to school in the morning from New Colony to St. Mary's. I used to always walk over that and nothing untoward ever happened. I proudly proclaimed to whoever mattered that 'See, it's a lie, nothing happens when a black cat crosses your path'. The animal lover in me found great satisfaction in breaking that myth first hand.

In recent times, my belief about superstitions have changed to some extent though. I am sure many of you have experienced the social media jinx. I have seen few friends share about it in good humor. But let me narrate you few of my personal experiences and you can share yours too.

A lot of times, when I shared pictures during vacations especially ones with the family, something very untoward happened within twenty-four hours. 😀  In New Orleans, we broke into a humongous fight in a hotel room out of nowhere and for no good reason that I can even remember, in Florence we were not even on talking terms, in Maine I hit my forehead so hard on a wooden bar below a staircase, that Milo trembled with the sound, in Virgin Islands I fell and slided on cobblestone, in a sudden spell of rain that lasted two seconds, badly bruising my fingers and knees and completely smashing my phone screen. Deep i my heart, I know these are all coincidences, but they set in my mind the fear that my mother always tried to instill - " Facebook ot besi nidibi, maaje maaje dibi, manuhor mukh laagibo'. It finally resonated!!! 😄

Since then, although I still regularly hit the share button out of a compulsive disorder like others in my generation, I have been wary!! The final straw in the hat was when I once shared pictures of my two Impatient plants that were thriving and covered in pink and orange blooms all over. Within two days, they shriveled into nothingness!! I made it a point to not share pictures of my plants and vegetables as much, even if I was shared my own 😁

Let me know if you have had similar experiences in the comments.

Resolutions

I firmly believe we need monthly resolutions instead of waiting for the earth to make one whole rotation around the sun. A year is  too long to plan for and adhere to something.

Minimalism, decluttering, eliminating waste, turning inward and drawing boundaries are my goals. I've already been working on them for the past several months, but there is a long road ahead. I am a work in progress!

It's necessary for self-improvement and wellness in every aspect. All you need is a  few good friends, a few good things, more time and purpose, more space in your mind to think and absorb good thoughts!!

What are your priorities?

Reflections!!

This is long due to be expressed. It's been written in my head long back, just being no longer unwritten now. Also, it's a general observation and not related to any specific individual(s). In my teenage years,  as consciousness of social practices aroused, I turned into an angry young woman, kind of a feminist. It seemed like females were being tortured in every stage of life, even before they were born, even by their very own. Abortion,  infanticide, dowry deaths hit them like plague. Such ills still exist and need to end and my post by no means trivializes any of that.

But what about the MEN? They die micro deaths every day. They don't even say anything.I just read about a man ending his life due to continued harassment by his wife and her family, including demanding hefty sums to allow him to see his son, that prompted this post. This is an extreme case, but I have observed female behavior for the last two decades. In a lot of cases, they seem to check out on their husband's family, the moment they get married. And trust me this has nothing to do with how they are as people, to the rest of the world and I know both sides may have some blame. But I have seen the nicest of girls, behave in the meanest of ways, when it comes to their in-laws. These girls go the farthest lengths to make sure their own mother and father are happy and comfortable and their siblings have the best of both worlds. But when it comes to their mother or father-in-law they would get mad for the most trivial of things like - ' Why does he/she keep asking me? Can't he/she take the spoon themselves? ' . To put in perspective- An aging person had just asked for a spoon. 

In another instance,  a coworker was complaining to someone over phone unaware that I have native fluency in Bengali,  " Uni bhabche, chele eikhaan thike taaka pathabe" referring to her in-laws expecting some funds from their son. What could be so wrong about that? Wouldn't the girl help her parents if they needed money for some reason? Again not referring to extreme cases, but most females don't seem to have any concession when it comes to in-laws.

A mother-in-law once told me, " Namghorot jau je, suwali thaka maak bilaak dekhilei gom pai, mukh bilaak ujjal' referring to her own plight of having only sons and daughters-in-law and wearing a fatigue instead of a glow. On many instances,  when we go to the airport to pick someone from a flight from India, it is evident from the facial expression on whether the husband or the wife's parents are coming.  The men are generally happy in both cases, but the women are only happy when it's their own parents. I make assumptions and my guess often turns right when the passengers arrive.  Atleast to the extent I can recognize, by the intensity of the hugs 😀 

I think our men are generally very nice to their in-laws and deserve fairer treatment.  They deserve happiness as well and the ability to be together with the family of their birth and the family they created happily, sometimes.

We need to look at our reflections and channelize our inner dog. Don't miss the dog in the mirror. We need to think like them sometimes and greet everyone happily. ☺️

#womaninthemirror 

Oh Shillong!

I spent a night in Shillong recently, after 11 years. This is a picture of me, taking it all in. I have a lifetime of memories in this mountain town. Since the time I left it behind for college, there has probably not been a day when I didn't remember it, generally with a sense of blissful nostalgia.

However, in the past three years or so, the memories have started to hurt more than bringing solace. Everything about Shillong stands to be a stark reminder of a world that will never be. My father and his love, our homestead and every single thing in it, the books, the carpet, the steel utensils, the water taps. 

Yet, during our recent visit,  I made it a point to visit Shillong. It was healing. The lost world came alive by the sight of my dad's college, Shillong College, as we drove by, the sweets and nimkis at Delhi Mistan that he so loved and always got us rejuvenated the palette, the sights of Ward's Lake that he solitarily rambled, brought solace!

My Experiments With Truth: Jealousy

It takes a lot to reveal your dark side, but here I am ready to risk that. I consider myself immensely fortunate that the green-eyed monster doesn't have a lot of influence on me. Even through times when I was hopelessly and desperately struggling to have an offspring, the concern for the well-being of others, completely erased any envy that it may evoke in some, in a similar situation. 

That status quo, changed, twice in quick succession, several years back. First time was when Kate Middleton married the future king of the Brits. It seemed like the world was served to her in a royal platter, only because she was drop dead gorgeous and had successfully orchestrated  a love story by enrolling in the same college as Prince William overnight, once his college selection was announced. The second time was a similar situation. Amal Clooney not only married the most handsome and most eligible bachelor on the planet, "The George Clooney", but she was also a successful international rights lawyer and even better looking than him.

Envy filled my heart. Deep down I think it was just the trousseau of beautiful dresses that made me feel that way. For once I felt like "Life was not fair"🤔😀The paparazzi didn't help! They just plastered pictures of these two gorgeous ladies in the best dresses the world has ever seen, in the most exotic locations, one with "The Prince" the other with "The George Clooney".

The years passed by and after the initial affliction i stopped thinking about it. Life went on for them and for me. Coincidentally, we were in London in March of this year when Kate announced her cancer diagnosis. I was heartbroken. My husband said "What happened, I thought you didn't even like her? "

Later I saw tabloid covers about Amal and George growing apart due to physical distance between them due to their professions.

I kept hoping and praying that Kate Middleton recovered, especially after recently seeing people i know closely go down with cancer in a matter of months. 

It was actually so receiving to see Kate smiling again attending a Wimbledon event and George and Amal seem to be making amends as well, as per reports!! ☺️ 

Morale of the story - Be happy in your own skin and your own life. You don't know what others lives are like deep down and how they will turn out to be  Spare them the jealousy, but more importantly spare yourself the negativity.

Tomorrow is not promised!!

We make plans and more plans. We are our own micro Government. We try to manufacture our future by putting our present on the assembly line. We mortgage our present for future equity. Only if that one thing happened, we would be happy forever and that forever never comes because there are more and more milestones to accomplish. All this while, life passes us by. It is essential to plan for future, but we also need to make sure, we don't let the moments slip by unnoticed,  uncared for, uncredited.

Live, breathe, experience, every moment of your present, sun, rain or snow, because tomorrow is not always promised!

The Warp and Weft of a Mother's Love!!

My mother in law is 87 years old. When Tridib visited her last November,  she insisted that he should bring back with him one of her mekhela-sadors for me to wear. When I spoke with her thereafter, she asked me if I liked it and expressed her wish for me to wear it to some gathering.  I obliged with a serene heart. It was definitely peaceful to be enveloped in her pristine love, quite literally!