Trifecta!

The majestic sound of a large dog’s bark, resounding from far, always enchanted her. But things had changed, since she brought Raako home. The enchantment was replaced by frenetic attempts to stop him from barking, as the noise reverberated deafeningly across the household. That day too, it was not too different. As she rushed to see what was going on, she found that Raako was at the back door instead of the front, which surprised her since no one usually came from there. On looking outside, she saw another dog, with its lead hanging from its collar. It was climbing up the paint-stripped wooden steps, moving towards the glass door.

Her normal reaction, in such a circumstance, is to go out and get hold of the dog if possible and check to find any information available to contact the owner. This time though, while her feet moved forward, her mind paused and she picked up her phone instead. Animals enchanted her and she had not learned to fear them, since she was a child, unless of course they were wild. She had once even got stung when she tried to befriend a wasp, after several benign experiences with honey bees. In this case though, the dog appeared to be of a breed of the Rottweiler family and from a few experiences in the dog park, when Raako was a puppy, she had developed a slight hesitation in interacting with them, as freely as she did with other dogs.

As she picked the phone and attempted to message the members of the community she lived in, she had two more visitors dashing out of the sylvan woods, behind her house, arriving right at her stone patio. At that point, she went outside. It was a father-son duo who had trailed behind the dog, through the small patch of woods, before it got too far. They told her that their furry friend bounced into the woods after a hopping rabbit and they followed suit. They introduced her to Nova, who was of course a sweetheart and made her laugh at her initial hesitation. They said that they were glad that Raako was there since that led Nova to the door instead of running away elsewhere. The trio complete with the family dog, walked back through the grass, this time avoiding the woods, their legs scratched by the bushes.

Two days back.

As she woke up from slumber and was getting ready to leave for work, one thing preoccupied her mind. It was her dad’s birthday and she wanted to wish him. Before heading out, she went and wished him a 'Happy Birthday' and as usual he smiled back at her warmly, albeit from a picture. For his last four birthdays, since he was gone forever, that was how it had been.

It was certainly a special day for her, one that was celebrated for as long as she remembered, but otherwise, a very mundane Monday morning. She drove on the Interstate, her `mind oscillating endlessly between memories and her to-do list, while simultaneously her head grooved side-to-side to the beats of her favorite radio channel as her lips hummed the parts of  the lyrics she knew.

The morning drive to her workplace took her about forty minutes and the coffee in her mug was dwindling, when the city skyline appeared. Right then, while crossing an overpass over the river that flowed by the city, her wide eyes sighted something pristine. For a few moments, a large dragon-fly, glided over the bonnet of her car, moving in the same direction as her before flying away into invisibility. The winged gladiator shimmered in the sunshine, showing its magnificent green shine and golden translucence, for those few moments. It was divine and she felt like her dad had sent her a messenger to remind her of his continued presence in her life.

The day went by and she returned home, the shimmer still brightening her eyes, while she refrained from sharing the occurrence with anyone. It was too precious to share, she thought.

The following day, another messenger came. Only this time it was more mesmerizing. This year she had vowed to make her backyard as beautiful as the Swiss chalets and so she did. She hung pots of brightly colored geraniums in the stairs leading to the backyard and filled the entire yard with petunias and marigolds, amidst the perennials that came back every year. While she watered the geraniums, hung on the rails of the staircase ,with a sprinkler, the water droplets rose above her showering the leaves and blossoms. It was then that, very blithely, a hummingbird, as green, pretty and nimble as it could be, came and flew through the water taking a quick shower. She could only let the beauty of the moment absorb into her, like the drops of water were being absorbed into the flower pots, speechlessly.

She was getting used to beautiful messengers and was looking forward to the third day as she believed in a trifecta of beautiful events. However, that day turned out to be pretty humdrum. Other than the hullabaloo of the neighbor’s dog chasing the rabbit into her backyard, nothing striking had happened. By the evening, she had actually even forgotten that she was waiting for a third messenger.

The following night, as she retired to bed and was about to fall asleep, she remembered and wondered about how the third messenger never came. In a split second, her mind lit up. Her third messenger had come, only she never realized it. The not so divine looking, yet adorable mutt that climbed up her stairs right to her was her third messenger. She wondered how she could not recognize it right away, but it made the feeling of it all the more beautiful. A Nova – a bright star had visited her.

Moments - Lamhe

Bollywood superstar Sridevi left this world last Saturday. She was only 54 and recognized as the only female superstar in the industry, acting in several blockbusters which she could carry on her own shoulders without the support of a male lead.It had millions of fans across the Indian sub-continent and the world distraught, because of the sudden and untimely nature of it.

Her death, which was initially ruled as a cardiac arrest, got even sadder with the revealing of further details, which cited accidental drowning in her bath tub as the cause. I have never been a crazy fan of any celebrity, however, a few have left their mark by their performances being a part of my life.

Sridevi's performance influenced many such moments in my life. My mother who belongs to a generation when Bollywoood wasn't as strong an influence and there were no TVs in every home, was stupefied by her performance in Sadma. She was so touched that she often talked to me about the movie, her dog in it - Hari Prasad and how Sri threw a morsel to the male lead Kamal Hasan at the end, not recognizing him and thinking he is a beggar. While he was the one who had rescued her and helped her reverse the retrograde amnesia, that she was suffering from. The movie is a connective basis for me and my mom, through which we understand and empathize with each other by experiencing the actors' performances and the sadness and hurt in it.

Her movie Chandni, was a topic of discussion among friends at school because of the romance and her style and beauty, which was something we twelve-year olds were trying to emulate in some manner, with eyes full of dreams. We also made fun of the Bollywood dance moves :-). At that time, we already considered ourselves grown up enough, although we were still kids and if nothing else, Bollywood had certainly already ignited our quest for the one true and undying love of our lives.

The one movie that made my memories of her most touching was Lamhe. I had watched it with my friend Anindita. She had arranged for a VCR and cassette for the movie ( it was probably when I was in tenth grade - 1993) . The movie based in Rajasthan, was haunting and her performance memorable.Later in college, I had danced to one of the songs from the movie (Morni) in a dance drama, while making a futile attempt to open my eyes as big as her angelic ones.

All of these memories formed a part of my childhood and early teens. With her sudden and cruel death, that part of my childhood seems to be dented. The fond memories can no longer be remembered without a heartache. It's surprising that someone or something can change the effect of past events that far back. I guess it doesn't happen often.

It seems today, the day of her cremation, eerily coincides with the date of her last big release before taking a hiatus from acting, Judaai meaning Separation.

I had been trying to translate a few lines from an old Hindi song Mann Re Tu Kaahe Na Dheer Dhare ( O' Mind, why can't you be patient?) the last week in my mind, not realizing I would be using it in such a post as this, in this manner.

Itna hi upkar samajh koi
Jitna saath nibha de,
Janam maran ka mel hai sapna
Yeh sapna bisra de,
Koi na sang mare

Accept it as a favor,
The time that someone spends with you,
Union in life and death is a dream
Dispel that dream,
Since no one dies together!

Rest in Peace, Beautiful!

The Joy of Giving!

The real joy of gifting is in giving rather than receiving. Christmas of 2017 brought a wonderful opportunity to give the gift of time and volunteer service to an organization that brings a lot of smiles to little kids and adults alike, by providing them low cost and free gifts for Christmas.

As part of a team  for a volunteering event organized by my workplace Bank Of America, I arrived at the selected local charity. As I entered through the front entrance, I saw a room full of men sitting on every side. Wearing a ragged appearance, they exuded a homeless mien. I couldn't see any of my peers there.For a split second, I was stupefied and wondered if had arrived at the right place. As my confused eyes wandered, they fell on the man sitting directly opposite to me. He gave me a warm smile and by gesture of hand showed me a door that led to a register. When I looked around I saw several of them were smiling at me. Perhaps they sensed my confusion. I felt slightly embarrassed that I somewhat froze when I saw them first, but managed to smile back and headed inside.

Several of my peers were already there. An elderly lady involved with the charity gave us directions for what needed to be done. After some initial confusion, we fell into a rhythm. Three hours later we had set up tables, spread table cloths, organized gifts by sections much like a store - a Christmas store.

It touched my heart to see toys that my little girl would love. My maternal instinct was to pick them up for her, particularly the Paw Patrol ones.These were toys that people of the same means as myself probably wouldn't give a second thought to before purchasing, but the fact that there were kids who could barely afford only that one toy for Christmas and perhaps the entire year was humbling.

I could imagine little feet walking in on Christmas Eve and their little eyes settling on something that would bring immense happiness despite all the hardship their little lives had already seen. I could see all of those toys and books disappearing into very worthy hands. The charity sold them at a heavily discounted rate prior to Christmas and gave free toys to kids who visited on Christmas Day.

Among the toys, we also arranged a table with a stack of book bundles. This one I was particularly proud of as myself and two others spent an hour in the chilling cold of an unheated warehouse, while it was 26 deg. Fahrenheit outside ( -3 deg. Celsius), sorting and bundling the books from a humongous box.

I learned while working there that the men I had seen were actually homeless and living in a hostel that the charity was managing. The other side of the building had a similar hostel for women and kids who were looking for shelter from the bitter cold.Some of the men moved around inside while we worked, again giving us wide smiles.

I left that day  -  a little more humble, a little more enriched - my gift in turn.

Happy New Year 2018!

What's new about a New Year anyway? It's the same days and same nights, just a man-made chronological measure of time. On several New Years' eve, this is how I felt like  about the celebration, which seemed to be blown out of proportion including resolutions we would forget in three months.

A new thought dawned on me this time though. Amidst the gargantuan celebrations and revelry of mankind, it's actually Mother Nature positioning us in the same galactic place in which we were in the previous year and giving us a chance to let go of things, move on and start over. Probably, it was a casual remark made by a friend about how 2017 wasn't good for her and her family in terms of health and wellness and how she was looking forward to 2018, that made me think that way.



Mundane in it's profundity, the simple thought caused me to realize how we compartmentalize our life and it's events by time and a year is the best way to relate to it. It's a big chunk of time within which we club our feelings and experiences together and move forward towards another, forever seeking a better tomorrow and another chance to live all the seasons. The Sun, Moon and Stars do give us a chance to relive time in a better way, every year.  Here's wishing you a Happy New Year!

My Smartphone Myopia - and correcting it!

When I was in ninth grade, I had a tiny rash on the corner of my left eye that lasted a few days. My mother got worried and took me to see a renowned eye doctor in the town. Being the youngest child and only girl in the family, I had more doctor visits than everyone else in the family combined. I think my mother was fiercely protective of me because she had lost a child who was immediately above me in infancy. Since I came next, she showered all her concern on me. The result of the eye doctor visit, other than getting rid of the minor condition, was to walk back with a pair of sleek black framed glasses that were just hitting the trend then and have remained since.

On examining my eyes for vision, the doctor found that I had a small degree of myopia, which is common at that age, because of course work and studies. It resulted in a new awakening in my life though. The altar at our home had images and idols of several Hindu gods and goddesses. Among them was a shiny picture of Jagannath in a foil print in golden. When I was little I could see that the picture has small red and green dots on it in the background. As time passed, unbeknown to me, they had faded into oblivion because of my nearsightedness. The day I returned from the doctor’s office with my glasses, they reappeared. The world seemed to me like it had returned to its old normal – like I was missing so much while not even realizing things were gone.

A few weeks back I had the same feeling. My mind went back to the same day I got my glasses the first time. Déjà vu! I had realized I was using my ‘smart’  phone a lot more than I wished I did. I felt like while it kept getting smarter by answering all my questions and catering to a lot of requests, it was making me un-smart on many levels. It was making me lose my connection with myself. So I took action.

I figured out that on the Settings menu if you look at the Battery tab it shows your usage of each app in the last 24 hours as well as last 7 days. I looked. I was appalled. To say the least.

It seemed like I could conquer the world hiking, writing, learning a new language or helping others during the time I was spending on my phone in a week. Topping the list was of course, WhatsApp and Facebook. I realized I was watching too many videos among other things – funny videos, inspirational videos, some sad ones – all great ones but they were eating into my time and life.

I resolved to cut down my phone screen time drastically and to further monitor I downloaded a free app that tracks your phone usage called Moments. It revealed yet another picture. Most of the time I spent on a day was broken into a one or two minute spell. Since I have very busy weekdays, I don’t really get to sit with my phone for all the time I was using it. But I kept fidgeting with my phone through the day while walking to the restroom, walking to the café, cooking dinner, etc. and the minutes sure did add up, and worse, the number of times I was picking up my phone was almost as high as the minutes because every time I browsed, I did only for a minute or two.

Action – I resolved to not use my phone for more than forty-five to sixty minutes in a day and monitor the number of times I was picking up my phone. Calls are not monitored for screen time usage, if the screen is blacked out during them – so I can still make the necessary calls without counting the time. Also sometimes I need to use the maps feature, which I don’t count towards my usage minutes. Everyone who knows me knows that I get confused between right and left, irrespective or which language the directions are explained in, it’s right then that the visuals in the apps come in very handy (pun intended).

Since then I have upgraded to a paid version of Moments (onetime payment of $3.50). It gives me a loud alarm and an angry smiley if I exceed my usage. The smileys keep getting angrier the longer I exceed my set time.

End result – The world seems like a different place or rather like the old world that I knew. I am far less distracted and restless and starting to see the beauty of the dots in the background again. Even at my worst I was probably a median user compared to all users, but still putting down my phone has helped me reclaim my own life from it and there’s no giving my life back to it again.

Goddess Reincarnate - Every woman with a resolve to win!

I was fortunate to have grown up in a part of India where discrimination against female offspring over male offspring is minimal. Though my parents are natives of Assam, where such discrimination is lower compared to other parts of India, I grew up in one of the only three matrilineal societies in the world in Shillong, Meghalaya. The cultural observances of the matrilineal society had in some ways found their way into the minds of my parents. My mother would sometimes refer to me as ‘Khadduh’which is the youngest daughter in a Khasi family and considered the strongest in terms of carrying the lineage and inheritances.

However, I was one of the lucky few in not just the country but the entire world where, as in common knowledge, women notonly receive disparate treatment, but are at the receiving end of a lot of torture and abuse. This is true not just in eastern countries but even in the west where women are supposed to be more liberated. Without much more ado, I will list out some of the necessary things, I can think of to ensure the status of women are elevated at a micro level, which will add brighter colors to the bigger picture.

First is education, and it may sound cliché to say that but my point is for each one to do what we can to help ourselves and others. In that context, we should each try to strengthen our own education and skills, with particular focus on areas that will lead to beneficial employment. The next step is to help, influence and mentor others, at every opportunity that presents itself. It could be influencing parents of little girls to create opportunity for them or guiding an adult to become independent. Use the resources you have to spread awareness and help transform others’ lives. In any endeavor I undertake, I consider it a success if it has a positive impact on at least one person’s life. We should never think that our minuscule efforts will not make any difference in the bigger picture of women’s issues, or any other issue for that matter. Every positive change is more than worth it.

Secondly, as measures of self-help and elevation, women should never take their financial independence for granted under any circumstance. The first and foremost thing is to work head, heart and soul and if required put up a fight to establish that. Money can’t buy everything, but it can buy a lot of things. Other than mundane essentials, it can buy healthcare when required which is a quintessential part of happiness. For every woman, it is essential to try to earn their own living and the day that happens, more than half of their problems will dissipate into nothingness. For those who have already established that and even for men who are keen to help, like spreading educational awareness this too in conjunction, should be a constant pursuit to touch other lives and help women get to the point of financial independence. In Gandhi’s words, we have to ‘Be the change that you wish to see in the world’ and then help others get there.

A large number of women sacrifice their entire lives managing their household and working full time at home and after all they are not paid anything for it at the end. If some unfortunate event befalls them, they can be left penniless and may have considerable difficulty in finding a job due to lack of experience.Adding to that is the stigma that many are labelled with that they have never earned a penny of their own, which is duly unfair. Such home-makers should make sure that they are keeping something aside for themselves, as personal savings out of their household income, for choosing to spend their time in caring for their families over other employment. Over time the pool will grow into a reasonable amount, which they can use during any contingency or spend at their will even if for family reasons, as their contribution for something good, in case there is no contingency requirement for it.

Some women may be in a situation where their household income or family fortune doesn’t require or warrant them to supplement it with their earnings and hence may not feel a requirement to work. But that shouldn’t allow them to believe that they don’t need to manage their personal finances themselves, and depend on spouses or others for its management, even if it has been acquired through inheritances. Once every woman comes out of that zone and is financially independent and managing their own finances, a lot of women’s problems at any stage of life will be obliterated.

Thirdly, women should identify and reduce distractions. They should stop focusing on issues that don’t really help elevate their status in the name of liberation, like dressing. As the adage goes, ‘In Rome, act like Romans’, now while one doesn’t have to don a toga while in Rome but they should at least be mindful of how to fit into the local picture, while staying in their comfort zone, without drawing unnecessary attention. Such things detract from the real issues like education and financial independence that will lead to empowerment, strength and alleviation of the suffering of women. Also, there is no point to oppose men in every single thing – whether it makes sense or not, again in the name of liberation. More and more men are stepping out the stereotypical roles their forefathers had and are contributing to their significant other, in a beneficial manner, in big and small ways. Men struggle as well – while in college, it was apparent how stressed the boys were to do something for themselves, so they could be settled with a home and family, etc. while girls didn’t have as much pressure. 

Lastly, and very importantly, women should grow the habit of being more resilient. Women are more easily impacted by things that happen in their lives and find it difficult to get over them or get out of certain states of mind. It creates a perpetual state of misery – there should be a resolution to de-clutter the mind and move forward in any eventuality – one step at a time.

These are my few cents that I wished to share on the occasion of Durga Puja. May the Goddess bless every woman with the circumstances and will to succeed.

A Gold Necklace in the City of Joy

2009 – Kennett Square, Pennsylvania.

It was my third trip to Longwood Gardens but the most memorable one. My parents and mother-in-law were visiting us and we had taken them on a trip to the gardens. The lovely gardens, the old DuPont house which has been converted to a museum and the ornate topiary had left them mesmerized.  However, the section that amazed them most was the conservatory which had the Amazonian lotus plants with giant rounded radiating leaves.

On the other side of the conservatory, large baskets of fuchsias with white sepals and magenta pink petals hung from the top. This part is my personal favorite. I had once volunteered in a charitable fashion show in this section. Time and again it is converted to look different, the open part where the ramp was set being filled with water, adding to the beauty of this immense green house. While touring this area, I saw Anindita, my friend from kindergarten. She lived in Hackensack, New Jersey with her husband and three year old daughter Riddhi. She too happened to be visiting Longwood Gardens with her other friends, that day.

2003 – Lake Gardens, Kolkata.

Kolkata, a city of teeming millions, bustled with activity all day long. There was practically every means of communication you could think of - buses, taxis, metro, tram, auto-rickshaws, cycle-rickshaws and even hand-drawn rickshaws that kept running through the day until very late hours not to mention the ferries carrying people across the Hooghly.

We used to live in a relatively posh part of the city called Lake Gardens in South Kolkata. One evening I went into a jewelry store to get a piece repaired and was watching the baubles and trinkets in the glass showcase, while the goldsmith examined the piece I had brought to get repaired. A lady was watching me and as I looked up, we exchanged smiles. She looked very familiar and asked me if I lived in the area. After a brief conversation, I found out that she was in the store to buy a wedding gift for a bride and asked for my help in selecting it. She had picked a necklace with small gold pendants strung on crystal beads among others, which she asked me to try on to check how it looked. After checking it thus, she was satisfied and said she would take it and we parted soon after. My piece of jewelry was returned as unrepairable. 

Fast forward a few days, after a long day at work, I boarded a bus to Shibpur on the other side of the Hooghly. My husband being out of town I was going to attend one of my best friend’s wedding alone. It was pretty far from where I lived but I mustered enough guts to go find the place because of her. She had provided directions to me so after getting off the bus, I hopped on a rickshaw and found the venue. It was already dark then.

As I entered the place, I met her mother and she hugged me saying “This girl has saved me by coming today, my daughter has always had so many friends and today on her wedding day, there was none until you came”. It is one of the most touching experiences I have had.

Anindita and I had gone to the same school for fourteen years, from kindergarten until high school. We both had the same nickname, Rimi and to a lot of people including ourselves we had a lot of similarity in appearance. It was coincidental that she got married in the same city where I was living at that time. Her handsome groom’s family happened to be from Kolkata and she had other relatives who lived there which resulted in the wedding to be held in the city. I felt fortunate to be sitting by her side in her bridal attire. She looked resplendent in her red Benarasi saree, and I think I looked okay and complimented her in my blue Assam silk saree. We sat there as guests kept pouring and greeted her with gifts. In Indian weddings there are so many guests, that even the bride and the groom don’t know half of them, and for me everyone was a stranger except for her family. However, when one lady arrived, we exchanged smiles instantaneously. I knew that I had met her before and her smile said the same. We both couldn’t place how we knew each other for a moment and then it hit us both together - ‘Oh you helped me select the necklace to gift’ - ‘Oh you were buying the necklace for my friend’. The lady I had met earlier at the jewelry store was the groom’s aunt and the bride for whom she had asked me to try the necklace on was for none other than my dear friend Anindita. I couldn’t have been happier. This was yet another and one of the nicest coincidences between us. What were the chances of something like this happening in a huge metropolis –almost none - or let’s say one.

Time passed and we remained in touch mostly through occasional emails. She had moved to London few months after her wedding and was blessed with a daughter in 2005. However, that was not the end of our coincidences. For a few months after her baby was born we were out of touch both being busy – she with her infant and I with my relocations.  In January 2006, we moved to Delaware in the east coast of United States. A few months later, I opened my inbox to an email from her writing about having relocated to New Jersey in the beginning of that year, about two hours away from where I lived. A lot of good times ensued. It was funny when someone would call out to one of us by our nickname and both of us would respond. They returned to India five years later but maybe we have more coincidences in store.