I was fortunate to have grown up in a part of India where discrimination against female offspring over male offspring is minimal. Though my parents are natives of Assam, where such discrimination is lower compared to other parts of India, I grew up in one of the only three matrilineal societies in the world in Shillong, Meghalaya. The cultural observances of the matrilineal society had in some ways found their way into the minds of my parents. My mother would sometimes refer to me as ‘Khadduh’which is the youngest daughter in a Khasi family and considered the strongest in terms of carrying the lineage and inheritances.
However, I was one of the lucky few in not just the country but the entire world where, as in common knowledge, women notonly receive disparate treatment, but are at the receiving end of a lot of torture and abuse. This is true not just in eastern countries but even in the west where women are supposed to be more liberated. Without much more ado, I will list out some of the necessary things, I can think of to ensure the status of women are elevated at a micro level, which will add brighter colors to the bigger picture.
First is education, and it may sound cliché to say that but my point is for each one to do what we can to help ourselves and others. In that context, we should each try to strengthen our own education and skills, with particular focus on areas that will lead to beneficial employment. The next step is to help, influence and mentor others, at every opportunity that presents itself. It could be influencing parents of little girls to create opportunity for them or guiding an adult to become independent. Use the resources you have to spread awareness and help transform others’ lives. In any endeavor I undertake, I consider it a success if it has a positive impact on at least one person’s life. We should never think that our minuscule efforts will not make any difference in the bigger picture of women’s issues, or any other issue for that matter. Every positive change is more than worth it.
Secondly, as measures of self-help and elevation, women should never take their financial independence for granted under any circumstance. The first and foremost thing is to work head, heart and soul and if required put up a fight to establish that. Money can’t buy everything, but it can buy a lot of things. Other than mundane essentials, it can buy healthcare when required which is a quintessential part of happiness. For every woman, it is essential to try to earn their own living and the day that happens, more than half of their problems will dissipate into nothingness. For those who have already established that and even for men who are keen to help, like spreading educational awareness this too in conjunction, should be a constant pursuit to touch other lives and help women get to the point of financial independence. In Gandhi’s words, we have to ‘Be the change that you wish to see in the world’ and then help others get there.
A large number of women sacrifice their entire lives managing their household and working full time at home and after all they are not paid anything for it at the end. If some unfortunate event befalls them, they can be left penniless and may have considerable difficulty in finding a job due to lack of experience.Adding to that is the stigma that many are labelled with that they have never earned a penny of their own, which is duly unfair. Such home-makers should make sure that they are keeping something aside for themselves, as personal savings out of their household income, for choosing to spend their time in caring for their families over other employment. Over time the pool will grow into a reasonable amount, which they can use during any contingency or spend at their will even if for family reasons, as their contribution for something good, in case there is no contingency requirement for it.
Some women may be in a situation where their household income or family fortune doesn’t require or warrant them to supplement it with their earnings and hence may not feel a requirement to work. But that shouldn’t allow them to believe that they don’t need to manage their personal finances themselves, and depend on spouses or others for its management, even if it has been acquired through inheritances. Once every woman comes out of that zone and is financially independent and managing their own finances, a lot of women’s problems at any stage of life will be obliterated.
Thirdly, women should identify and reduce distractions. They should stop focusing on issues that don’t really help elevate their status in the name of liberation, like dressing. As the adage goes, ‘In Rome, act like Romans’, now while one doesn’t have to don a toga while in Rome but they should at least be mindful of how to fit into the local picture, while staying in their comfort zone, without drawing unnecessary attention. Such things detract from the real issues like education and financial independence that will lead to empowerment, strength and alleviation of the suffering of women. Also, there is no point to oppose men in every single thing – whether it makes sense or not, again in the name of liberation. More and more men are stepping out the stereotypical roles their forefathers had and are contributing to their significant other, in a beneficial manner, in big and small ways. Men struggle as well – while in college, it was apparent how stressed the boys were to do something for themselves, so they could be settled with a home and family, etc. while girls didn’t have as much pressure.
Lastly, and very importantly, women should grow the habit of being more resilient. Women are more easily impacted by things that happen in their lives and find it difficult to get over them or get out of certain states of mind. It creates a perpetual state of misery – there should be a resolution to de-clutter the mind and move forward in any eventuality – one step at a time.
These are my few cents that I wished to share on the occasion of Durga Puja. May the Goddess bless every woman with the circumstances and will to succeed.
